Trump Says He Didn’t Try To Fire Mueller, The President Of Puerto Rico Did

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — Yesterday, The New York Times dropped a bombshell report on the Trump administration, detailing events corroborated by multiple sources and news outlets that indicate the president tried to fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller last June, but backed down when his lawyer threatened to resign rather than carry out the termination order.

This development is quite significant for several reasons, among them the fact that President Trump has repeatedly denied he has done anything wrong, or that he would consider firing Mueller. Attempting to fire him would give the impression to many that he was afraid of what Mueller’s investigation is up to. It’s also noteworthy because disgraced former President Richard M. Nixon’s attempt to fire a special prosecutor investigating his potential crimes is what eventually led to his resignation, the very next day.

The president is in Switzerland for a conference of the world’s most wealthy and elite, and he gave a quick denial of the story initially.

“Fake news, folks,” Mr. Trump said. “Fake news. A typical New York Times fake story.” (NYT)

However, later in the day, reporters caught back up with Trump, and he said that after having more time to reflect on the events of last June, he had remembered a very key detail.

“A president did try to fire Mueller, I remember that now,” Trump said. “But it wasn’t me. It was the President of Puerto Rico. It was all his idea. So if anyone should have to quit, or resign, or go to jail, it’s totally him. The President of Puerto Rico, not me.”

Mr. Trump said that Americans who don’t believe that it was the President of Puerto Rico, and not himself, that attempted to fire Mueller are “not thinking clearly.”

Fox Sending Turmeric Lahren To North Korea To Ask Kim Jong Un For Tips On Forced Patriotism

“I mean, he’s from PWEARTO REEKO, which to my ears sounds Mexican as hell,” Trump said. “So do I really need to go on from there?”

The president indicated there might have been other high-ranking government officials lobbying for Mueller’s ouster, as well.

“The President of Guam, the U.S. Virgin Isles’ president, and even the President of California were all in favor of firing him,” Trump said. “Maybe you guys should be bugging them about this, instead of me.”

As luck would have it, the Presidents of Guam, The U.S. Virgin Islands, and California are all attending the Davos conference. Each one corroborated Trump’s story, when asked.

This story is developing.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

More Satire:

Trump Demands Meeting With Swiss Miss During Davos Trip