Trump’s Lawyers Advise Him to Throw All His Kids Under the Bus, Even the Ones He Wants to Fuck

News out of the New York State’s Attorney General’s office has not been good for former, one term, defeated President Don Trump over the last twenty-four hours. Attorney General Letitia James announced late last night that her office believes Trump and his children participated in a decades-long tax avoidance scheme and is seeking direct, under oath testimony from Trump and two of his kids.

A third Trump child has already testified and asserted his Fifth Amendment rights, James also divulged.

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Whether or not AG James and her team can convince a grand jury to indict Trump or his children on criminal charges is still up in the air. However, reports from the Trump camp are that the new developments have at the very least spooked Trump’s lawyers. Several sources close to the situation have indicated that his legal team told Trump under no uncertain terms that he has to consider testifying against and blaming all his kids for the crimes his company committed.

Even the children he wants to penetrate sexually.

“The one-term, twice forever impeached former president has had several urgent, high-level calls with his attorneys this morning. All of them, every single one, urged their client to take this seriously,” our source told us under condition of anonymity and a gift card to McDonald’s. “They said he needs to get real, get tough, and he should throw all his kids under the bus if he has to. Even Princess Vanky, which they know would break his cholesterol laden heart.”

It’s “fight or flight time,” our source says Trump’s lawyers told him. If he wants to stay out of prison, and perhaps get elected again, he needs to consider blaming his children, “even the ones he wants to cram his mangled mushroom into,” his lawyers insisted.

“They get that fucking over Don’s kids isn’t something he even cares about doing, and would do in a gravy spattered heartbeat,” our source said, “It’s just that the one he wants to fuck usually gets treated much differently. His lawyers think that the time has come for that paradigm to shift.”

Trump’s team could not be reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.