In this country, we allegedly believe that nobody is “above the law,” not even the president. We’re supposedly so against the notion of one human having natural advantages over another, that when John Adams suggested the president be referred to as “his royal highness” it was roundly rejected…leaving us all to wonder just what would possess a man that helped lead a country in a war of independence from what was the largest and most powerful empire at the time, but that’s wonderment for another time. Has anyone else out there noticed how ridiculously farcical this notion really is on Twitter?

Because I’m here to get into that subject, and it’s a personal one for me.

I’ve been officially banned from Twitter a handful of times. Each one of my websites, and me personally, has been given a lifetime ban from the platform. Why? Because I called Ann Coulter a “racist cunt” too many times and playfully suggested that Donald Trump Jr. could find some traffic and/or some fire to play in, that’s why. I am a rude, profane, foul-mouthed bully to white supremacists and their ilk, and Twitter deemed me a purveyor of hate speech when they kicked me off their site for good. Keep in mind, I had been doxxed and harassed and threatened by actual Nazis on their site during the 2016 election, but it was me that was deemed too dangerous for Twitter.

My banishment from Twitter is why Sacha Baron Cohen follows me on Instagram, because he literally can’t follow me on Twitter. This is surely a humblebrag, and you should 100% follow me on Instagram since he does, duh, but I’m just trying to own up to the fact that I’m biased against Twitter for personal reasons, but being called a hate monger by a website that did nothing when dozens of trolls were attacking you, doxxing you, and making threats of violence against you is pretty goddamn rich.

In my tenure on Twitter I amassed a couple thousand followers; nowhere near the dozens of millions that Donald Trump has. I also never once spread disinformation about mail-in voting in attempt to sabotage our elections on Twitter, but Trump has. More than once…today. He remains able to post, I remain forever banned.

So let’s summarize Twitter’s official stance: Low-level comedians with content distribution on The Huffington Post represent a far greater threat to Twitter and the country’s election system, than the President of the United States spewing complete and utter propaganda that is solely crafted for subverting our democracy. Today alone, Trump has attempted to poison the election with disinformation, which Twitter was forced to combat by flagging it with their “Learn how voting by mail is safe and secure” flag.

Fuckhead Tweet #1:

And Fuckhead Tweet #2:

These are not the first or only two instances of Trump willfully and intentionally spreading information so false that Twitter has to flag it. It’s not even the only time that Twitter has had to flag his tweets in general, election disinformation or no. For the record, I never had a single tweet flagged like this. I was asked to delete tweets that used potty words and were insults directed at public figures who deserved the scorn I was giving them, but I never once made an attempt to sabotage a free and fair election.

What has become painfully self-evident is that Twitter is the space on the Internet that treats Donald Trump the most like he feels he’s entitled to be treated. Of course the same corrupt and inept bastard who skated on impeachment solely because of the partisan makeup of the Senate would take his “the rules don’t apply to me” approach to Twitter. He didn’t just start acting like this when he took office; he has a lifetime pattern of being a piece of shit and not caring about whether he pays a price for it, because he’s never been forced to pay a price for it.

Twitter treats Trump like the cunty monarch he pretends the Constitution lets him be. Twitter is the social media equivalent of Billy Barr; just let Trump do whatever the fuck he wants because he’s president. It’s a concept so goddamn antithetical to the American vision of leadership and accountability that I really don’t have any jokes to tell about it, because it’s a twisted farce in and of itself.

Trump treats his twitter account like his personal little bitchy soapbox, and he’s so damn cunty. He’s the most powerful man in the world, and he tweets about his TV ratings, or the TV ratings of whichever news network he likes or hates that hour. He retweets stupid videos produced by his cult of morons that not only violate ethics and Twitter’s rules, they’re just beneath the dignity of the office, and I say that as someone who doesn’t give a fuck about the dignity of most things.

I don’t profess to be the best and most obedient participant in social media. Hell, as I write this I’m currently serving a Facebook jail sentence for calling Darrell Issa a “cunt.” But what I’m stating here is the obvious — Twitter is the Kingdom of Trump and they will never treat him like they treat the rest of us.

How quickly would you or I have been kicked off Twitter for inciting right-wing violence in states where people were protesting police brutality? How many times would we have been banned from Twitter for knowingly spreading false information about COVID-19 cures, or mail-in voting? If any of the rest of us were to personally attack individual citizens like he does, how many times over would we be kicked off Twitter for targeted harassment.

Twitter can hide behind the “public figure” bullshit all they want to, but we all know it’s bullshit because every single president before Obama managed to do their job without Twitter. Social media isn’t in the Constitution, and as a private company, Twitter can tell anybody on the planet to fuck off that they want to…so what makes Trump so special?

You tell me.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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