Twitter Treats Me Worse Than Nazis. Facebook Acts Like I’m a Russian Cyber Terrorist. I’m Just a Fucking Comedian.


At this point in my career as a satirist, I’ve had some pretty fun moments.

I’m now an officially published author, have had my work published on HuffPostand have had pieces go so viral they melted down servers and had to be debunked by the poor bastards at Snopes (and The Weekly Standard). One thing that has eluded me, however, is a permanent position somewhere, writing for a bigger publication or TV show. I can’t be sure, but maybe that’s the reason why two of the biggest social media titans treat me like a propagandist and garbage human, instead of the foul-mouthed, profane, and hopefully funny, comedian I actually am.

I have been banned into oblivion on Twitter. On Facebook, where I’m actually a VERIFIED comedian, I seem to be at the point where if I fart and post about it, it could get reported and I’ll serve an instant 30 day ban. Those 30 day Facebook Jail sentences are laughable, but no joke, because they cost me revenue every single fucking time.  So far, in 2018 I have spent 60 of its 236 days in Facebook jail; that’s a quarter time in the hoosegow for two fucking posts.

You would think that the content I post is hate speech. That it’s designed to rile up people, and foment hatred so fierce they commit acts of violence.

You’d think I was writing neo-Nazi screeds, or manifestos that say people who vote differently than I do are mentally ill and should be thrown off helicopters while they’re in the air, like the brutish dicks who run Being Classically Liberal do literally all the time.

But, nah, I write and publish genuinely “fake news,” the kind that used to exist on shows like Saturday Night Live and Not Necessarily The News without much thought of banning satire altogether, which is, ultimately, what I think a lot of people on all sides of the political spectrum would like to have happen, so they can avoid their embarrassment over falling for a headline because it confirmed their biases.

Social media is a wonderful, powerful tool that is largely wielded like a bucket of AIDS blood, and the algorithmic reporting and policing methods that the big ones use is like them going around and dumping it down everyone’s throats, forcing them to swallow it after they make you gargle glass.

To Facebook and Twitter, I’m actually worse than Richard Spencer.

Stop and think about that for a fucking moment. The worst thing I have ever done online is call people mean and nasty names. Like, I called Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham a “racist cunt” so many times on Twitter I’ve lost count. You can call that abusive. You can call it profane. You can even call it rude, because, fuckin’ duh it is. But I come from a land where context is important. And the context, to me, is that racism, hatred, bigotry, and vile xenophobia are not only worthy of scorn, derision, and some cusses, they fucking DEMAND they be employed, and certainly all those things are far, far worse than anything I might say to the people who traffic in them, right?

Well, not according to Twitter.

I have been banned so fucking hard there that when I try to create new accounts, I’m immediately suspended. So, if you’re keeping score, Alex Jones, the guy who got people to harass Sandy Hook parents to the point that they can’t visit their children’s graves, just served his very first and only seven day Twitter suspension. But me, a middling satirist who was sent memes of his head in an oven from Nazis in 2016 on their platform?

Twitter thinks I’m the piece of shit in that scenario. David Duke? He has a Twitter account. Louis Farrakhan? He has one too. 

Hell, Donald Trump abuses people left and right on their platform, and Jack Dorsey practically can’t wait to suck him off for it. So again, I’m left wondering, why do Twitter and Facebook think I’m just as bad, if not worse, than propagandists, hate mongers, and dangerous sociopaths?

I don’t know. I have no fucking earthly clue.

Both Facebook and Twitter give users the ability to block and mute people they don’t want invading their digital personal spaces, so why are they so fucking heavy handed? I have a good friend who is harassed and stalked by people on Facebook because she’s a super funny comedian who hates on Trump viciously. She has been banned by Facebook so many times, the algorithm is on a hair trigger with her, like me, and just this morning, she was put on another 30 day timeout after literally being off her last timeout for less than a day.

My friend’s offending post? She jokingly posted “Men are wild animals.” Seriously. That was her great offense.

This woman gets death and rape threats from assholes all the time, but the first time she says something mild like that she’s put back in the Facebook Pokey? Get fucked, Zuckerschmuck.

I bring value to social media platforms. I write engaging content that a lot of people like, even if a lot of people are offended by it. Instead of having a system in place whereby actual humans can evaluate content and see if it’s only offensive because humor is subjective, social media has chosen to just be fascistic with their algorithm. I’m working on a new video segment to tie all this together; I just needed to use this space, my space, to vent.

It’s really fun watching conservatives claim to be the only ones censored by social media companies, by the way. Especially when I’m serving another 30 sentence for a fucking Tide Pod meme.

I don’t have the answer, but I know it involves we, the users, the people whose data is being mined for profit, putting our feet down and telling them to knock it off…so I will not be holding my breath for change any time soon.

P.S. I wrote extensively on the harassment I was getting from Twitter users back in 2016 on the first of my accounts they eventually banned, and you can read those articles HERE. Nothing I tweeted remotely rose to the level of hatred and vile shit I got, but here I am, banned as fuck on Twitter, so…


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